Separated
by Kae Ti
Summary: YAOI, TAITO Tai is whisked away by a portal... how do he and Matt cope? Two-parter, the parts can be read either way round really. o.o Songfics, by the way.
1. Taichi's Story

Body *Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters or the song, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

**Separated - Taichi's Story**

_Show me the meaning of being lonely_

The only product of loneliness is misery. I remember my Dad saying something about how solitude improves one's moral charcter, and maybe he's right. But it doesn't do much for the spirit. I miss my Yamato so much, you see. I was gonna tell him, too... that night, when everyone was asleep. I know he felt the same way about me. The others didn't notice, but to me it was so obvious. The secret was hurting him, I wanted to take the hurt away. Instead, because I made one stupid false move and got sucked into a goddam portal, he'll hurt forever. But where there's a will there's a way, right? I'm gonna find a way back to the Digiworld. Funny... we were searching for the real world, and now I've found it I just want to leave again. So I'm running, and searching, and running, and searching... 

_So many words for the broken heart_

___It's hard to see in a crimson love_

___So hard to breathe_

I have so much to say to him when I see him. I keep playing the scene where we meet up again in my head, so lost in my own imagination that I don't know if I've passed a portal or not and I have to go back and check. My chest is so tight from all this running, but I can't stop. I have to keep going until I find my Yamato again. And until then, I'll dream - 

_Walk with me, and maybe_

___Nights of life so soon become_

___Wild and free, I can feel the sun_

Happier times, in the future. My future with Yamato. I'll make him a promise now - that I'll find him, and make him happy. Whatever it takes. 

_Your every wish will be done_

___They tell me_

I'll grant any request. 

_Show me the meaning of being lonely_

___Is this the feeling I need to walk with?_

That's how I avoid feeling bad, see. I concentrate on good things to come. But from time to time, the tears slip through, and I just want to sit down and bawl like a baby, until somebody gives me what I want. But life doesn't work like that, so I have to dry my eyes, fix a picture of Matt in my mind and keep going. 

_Tell me why I can't be there where you are_

___There's something missing in my heart_

But hours have slipped by, and no portal. Why should there be? They aren't exactly common occurences. There's a black hole inside me, and it's sucking my hope away. And that picture of Matt is only a picture, it can't replace the hope fast enough. It's just a matter of time. 

_Life goes on, as it never ends_

___Eyes of stone observe a trend_

So I turn off the picture, and play memories instead. Yamato, dull and lifeless, only really showing any emotion when he's fighting with me. And he could see the vicious circle too, I'll bet. Fight, hate, fight more, hate more... and no excuse to love. A pattern that will stretch away into eternity if one of us doesn't break it soon. I'm going to break it the minute I get back. 

_They never say_

___Forever gazing for me_

So if he's always fighting and hating, how do you know he loves you? I hear you ask. Oh, I know. He watches me, you know. He thinks I don't realise, but I do. And the way he watches me - protective, caring - communicates more than words could ever say. 

_Beauty rose through an endless love_

___There's no control, are you with me now_

At first I was shocked by how I was feeling, but I got over it fast. Love is never hideous, though it seemed so in the beginning. It was like the ugly duckling turning into a beautiful swan... and then the swan taking flight. And once that elegant and majestic bird took to the air, there was no stopping it. It watches over us both, that swan... when my Yamato lookes up to the sky, it is there, even if he cannot see it. If I follow our swan, it will lead me to my love. 

_Your every wish will be done_

___They tell me_

I wonder how he's acting in front of the others now. Is he being the same old Yamato, pretending he just doesn't give a damn? Probably. But I know he wants me back inside, he misses me as much as I miss him. I know so much about Matt that he tries to hide, and don't think I don't know exactly how he's feeling. Well, he needn't worry - I will get back. I promise. 

_Show me the meaning of being lonely_

___Is this the feeling I need to walk with?_

Maybe there is a purpose to how rotten we're feeling though... after all, if this had never happened then I would never have realised how much Yamato means to me. I already knew he was fairly important to me, but now I know that my Matt is more important than anything else in the world. Either world. And that's what I have to remember as I'm searching, searching. 

_Tell me why I can't be there where you are_

___There's something missing in my heart_

In case you couldn't tell, I'm a natural born optimist. But sometimes it gets hard to keep your chin up, especially when there's a very real possibility that you may never see the very person who keeps you going ever again. I try not to think about that, but I have to mix optimism with reality - I mean, come on! What are my chances? Big fat zero. And I miss my Yamato so much... 

_There's nowhere to run, I have no place to go_

___Surrender my heart, body and soul_

Right, that's it. I'm exhausted. I slump down, gasping for oxygen, and give up. It's hopeless, I've been running all night and I just want to sleep. Best to get Matt out of my head... I'm never gonna see him again. I slam my fist into the concrete floor, and watch my scraped knuckles as they ooze blood. To hell with Yamato anyway. I scrunch up my eyes and concentrate on that thought. TO HELL WITH YAMATO. I'm not convinced. Man, if it wasn't for Yamato I'd be happy to be home! Who is he to make me miserable? To hell with him! 

_How can it be you're asking me_

___To feel the things you never show_

He obviously didn't care that much about me anyway. If he had, he would have told me so, or at least dropped some hints. But no. And he honestly expects me to love him when he's never so much as given a damn about me? I think not. 

_You are missing in my heart_

___Tell me why can't I be there where you are_

And for a moment I almost convince myself. I want Yamato to hate me, because then at least I can move on. But I spent all that time studying him oh so carefully, and now it's working against me. Because I know him much better than to think he hates me... he loves me. And I love him. 

_Show me the meaning of being lonely_

___Is this the feeling I need to walk with?_

So, dammit, I'm gonna find him! No matter what it takes, whatever I have to do. I climb wearily back to my feet, but my legs don't feel much like supporting me. Sleep, I decide. I need sleep. I close my eyes and begin to dream... 

_Tell me why I can't be there where you are_

___There's something missing in my heart_

I can see him, I can see my Yamato. He's standing at the end of a long tunnel, stretching out his arms to me. I run towards him. I half expect him to get further and further away as I run, but he doesnt. Light pours in behind him, almost blinding me. Just a few more steps... 

_Show me the meaning of being lonely_

___Is this the feeling I need to walk with?_

And he turns, and steps away into the light. The light swallows him whole and he is gone. I try to follow him, I step into the light, it blinds me, and - I wake up. It is dark. I am alone. I cry. 

_Tell me why I can't be there where you are_

___There's something missing in my heart_


	2. Yamato's Story

Body *Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters or the song, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

**Separated - Yamato's Story**

_Yeah_

___You are my fire_

___The one desire_

I know I never told you how I felt. Maybe I should have, maybe if I had then I would have destroyed our friendship for ever. But the name Taichi Kamiya used to send little shudders right through me. Hid it well, didn't I? Well, that's me for you. I hated how I felt, anyway. I hated loving someone who would never love me back. I wanted to stop loving you, but I couldn't. My father despised all things yaoi, and I thought that to actually want other guys would be the worst way to live. I wanted it all to just stop. But now... 

_Believe when I say_

___I want it that way_

___When we are two worlds apart_

You're gone now, through that portal to God-knows-where, and I can see how much your love means to me. Not that you ever showed me much love... were you hiding it, as I was? There were times when I would catch you looking at me, and you would quickly turn away. I suspected for a long time... but, like a fool, I thought we would have forever. So I said nothing. And you thought I felt nothing. 

_Can't reach to your heart_

___When you say_

___That I want it that way_

But you were wrong, I feel plenty. Wherever you are, you're probably thinking how happy I must be that you're gone. Just because I argued with you a lot, doesn't mean I hated you, Tai. So don't think I want you gone, because all I want is to able to tell you how much I wish you were back. Do you want to be back, with me? 

_(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a heartache_

___(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a mistake_

Because there are times, you know, when I'm sure I must be deluding myself. How could a guy like you ever love a jerk like me? I feel certain that this is all going to end in tears, and you telling me that you never want to speak to me again. 

_(Tell me why) I never want to hear you say_

___I want it that way_

Don't think I'd like that, not speaking to you. No matter what I'd say, it'd tear me up inside. I don't hate you Tai, I love you! I wish I could tell you that, but I lost my chance. You're gone, I'll never see you again. And it hurts so much. 

_Am I your fire?_

___Your one desire?_

If I could ask you one question, I would just ask you how you feel about me outright. I thought nothing would be worse than me confessing and you rejecting me, but there is something worse. There's never being able to see you again, and forever wondering, never knowing... 

_It's too late_

___But I want it that way_

And I will never know. Ever. Time passed us by, as it sometimes does, the moment is gone and IT WILL NEVER RETURN. Does that fact tear at your soul, too? Did you ever lie awake at night, as I did, crying because you knew that you could never have what you wanted more than anything else in the world? I did that often. I still do. 

_(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a heartache_

___(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a mistake_

It must be a nightmare, a horrible dream. We've got it all wrong, you didn't fall through that portal, it just looked that way. Any minute now you'll come striding up to camp, full of grins, telling us all not to be so stupid, you'll never leave us. Ready to take over as leader again, the post which I have to fill now you're gone. 

_(Tell me why) I never want to hear you say_

___I want it that way_

And yeah, I know what I said. Always, when we were arguing, I would say that I'd make a much better leader than you. But I didn't mean it, I didn't know how hard it could be, everyone depending on you to make the right decision. And I can see tham all thinking: Tai would know what to do. I called you some pretty low names from time to time, but I guess your shoes are hard to fill after all. So don't think I'm happy now that I'm in charge, now that I've "got what I wanted" - cause all I want is you. 

_Now I can see that we're falling apart_

___From the way that it used to be, yeah_

And I'm a crap leader. Sora would make a much better job of it, but she won't. She says she doesn't have leadership qualities - yeah, right. She also thinks the experience is good for me. But the whole group is slowly collapsing, and I can't keep it together. We need you back, Tai. It was stable when you were here. Now it's just a shambles. 

_No matter the distance, I want you to know_

___That deep down inside of me_

___You are my fire_

___The one desire_

___You are, you are, you are, you are_

I wish so much I could tell you all this, but what I'm saying you will never know. You're an entire dimension away, you can't get here and I can't get there. But I love you, Taichi. I don't think I'll ever stop. Sure, it might fade, I'll fall in love with someone else eventually - boy or girl, it's hard to say - but that doesn't mean I'll ever fall out of love with you. We could have had something really good, you know. 

_Don't wanna hear you say_

___Ain't nothing but a heartache_

___Ain't nothing but a mistake_

So please, don't still be thinking that what we almost had was wrong. Love is never wrong. It hurts sometimes though. Oh yeah, it hurts a lot, mostly because I never TOLD you, WHY didn't I tell you, WHY? I was so stupid that I thought it would never be too late... and now it is. 

_I never want to hear you say_

___I want it that way_

And I AM NOT RELIEVED. Don't think for the smallest second that now you're out of my life then so are all my problems connected to you. Oh God, give me back those problems a thousand fold, if only I can have my Taichi too! 

_(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a heartache_

___(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a mistake_

I 

_(Tell me why) I never want to hear you say_

___I want it that way_

NEED 

_(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a heartache_

___Ain't nothing but a mistake_

YOU. 

_(Tell me why) I never want to hear you say_

___I want it that way_

Sometimes I dream, though. Sometimes I dream that I saved you, and that we gazed long into eachother's eyes and we knew, we knew that we loved eachother. I dream that you are here loving me, and I am loving you... 

_Cause I want it that way._


End file.
